Day 2 Part 2

Well, it is nearly bedtime, and I have managed to get through the rest of my day without any major food regrets. After work I got a lowfat frozen yogurt with fresh fruit, when I would have preferred actual ice cream. (The yogurt was actually quite yummy- it was coconut flavored, and I topped it with fresh mango.) I had sushi for dinner, (salmon and avacado) which is packed with protein and the "good" fats. I also ordered some kimchee jigae (couldn't resist, as I was dining in a Korean/sushi restaurant), and I could have probably lived without it, but at least I ordered it with just tofu instead of with pork and/or beef. Plus I took half of it home with me, to have for lunch tomorrow. I even went for a 10 minute walk after work, which is not as good as a 20 minute walk, but is significantly better than no walk at all. Oh, and I did eat a very little corner of one of the brownies my roommate made last night and kindly left on the counter for all to share. I mean, come on, I'm only human! Brownies, for heaven's sake: Who can resist at least a taste?!? Considering that I have often, in recent years, managed to sup on an entire small pizza by myself, followed by a pint of full fat ice cream -- and I do mean a full pint, often every last drop--(Yes, I can lick the inside of a Ben & Jerry's pint container clean. I've got skills, what can I say?) ... overall, today's menu was progress.

Anyhow, I feel like I ought to reveal a bit more of my history, in light of the fact that I already seem to have folks who have never met me following this blog, and hope to attract many more as I go along. I have downloaded a full-length pic of myself, taken back in the fall, so nearly a year ago. I was probably weighing about 10 pounds less than I do now at that point. I have not weighed myself in a couple of months, and don't own a scale. When I do weigh myself, I do so at my gym. And guess why I have not weighed myself in a few months? That's right- it's because I have not seen the inside of my gym since April. But my last recorded weight was about 314 lbs. I may have lost a few pounds since then, as I have been going out dancing and taking salsa and swing dancing lessons occasionally, and have also been starting to watch what I eat over the past few weeks. Anyhow, I will go to the gym tomorrow, and weigh my ass (well, all of me actually), and let y'all know the number, just so we can keep track as time goes on.

As you can see, in the image above, I'm a large woman, and carry much of my excess weight smack dab in my middle, and most of the rest of it in the caboose. I am 44 years old, and have been overweight for much of my adult life, although I never weighed over 200 pounds until I was over 25 years of age. I don't even have any kids, so I can't blame pregnancies. I just eat a lot and don't move much. The older I get, the more difficult it gets to even maintain weight, much less lose it. I did get down to well under 200 pounds in my late 30's, but I did it by giving up ALL sugar and flour, eating only 3 meals a day, and weighing and measuring every bite I put into my mouth. I had a lot of support, through a 12-step group, but after about 9 months I just couldn't do it anymore, and gained back all of what I'd lost, and then some. I really believe that the only lasting lifestyle changes I can make and stick with are moderate and gradual ones. My goal is simply to eat less and move more, and to make slightly healthier choices, one day at a time.

I am fat because I love food, and because I use it for comfort when I'm blue, and to celebrate when I'm psyched, and to counteract boredom, and as a consolation when I can't have other things I want. I am fat because my mom was rather controlling of my food when I was a child, and I spent much of my childhood promising myself that when I grew up, I could eat as much as I wanted whenever I wanted, and nobody would be able to stop me. I am fat because I have a very pretty face and got too much sexual attention of the wrong kind when I was a young teenager and was not yet overweight. I am fat because I love many sedentary activities such as reading and watching movies and sitting around chatting with friends and drinking wine. For much of my adulthood, I was mostly OK with the side-effects of my food abuse. It almost seemed worth the luxury of eating so many delicious things. But because I am getting older, and because I am not stupid, I know that I can't continue to ignore the grave danger I am in. So, here I am, and like I said, I will go to my gym tomorrow to weigh myself, and while I'm in there... hey, I might even use some equipment other than their scale. Plus I already bought my breakfast for tomorrow (greek yogurt and fresh blueberries) so that I can start the day off right. Wish me luck!